We had a nasty ice storm this week that managed to suspend public school all week. SIUC was only out of classes for a day and a half, but apparently it was the first time class had been canceled due to weather in over 20 years. This is the side of my house the night after the storm. It looks like snow on the ground, but is actually 3-4 inches of rock hard ice. It was fun to ride a makeshift snowboard/skateboard until the board flew out from under me and threw me flat on my back on the ice. My wrist is still very upset with myself for that. You can view a larger version of this and some other photos from that night here.

As usual, the New York Times has posted another hotly debated article about the existence of God and the problem of suffering on their website.  This offering comes from Stanley Fish, who is a law professor at FIU in Miami.  The article talks about two recently published books that debate the existence of God and how God can allow suffering to exist in the world.  The same argument has been made for centuries, and continues to be a paramount problem for many unbelievers.  I am not posting this to explain or argue for or against the article, but rather to point to the vast popularity of articles such as this and the commentary that always accompanies them.  I present this popularity as a very simple and basic rationale for at least contending that a) religion and God continues to be the most talked about and thought about issue in the history of the world and b) that this fact alone leads one to consider why this is so.  If God does not exist, and the issue of his existence is meaningless, then why does this one topic continue to pervade the modern discourse year after year?  I offer a simple explanation - Romans 1:20 - For his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature,have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made. So they are without excuse.Why is the issue of God so important within popular media and culture? Because the attributes of God are all around us, within nature, and we desire to know these questions because God has placed them within our hearts. This is why religion continues to dominate the mind of America and the world.

So Halloween 2007 has come and gone.  It brought with it an interesting party at my house and some great costumes. This is Chase and I dressed in our costumes. I am Chase’s stalker, complete with a mock-up board of his blog.  Chase is a depressed emo kid. There were about 25 or 30 people in my small house.  I was slightly afraid the foundation was going to crack and we were all going to fall through the floor.  Luckily, that didn’t happen, although I did manage to knock over a gravestone in a local cemetery.  My apologies to the deceased and their family.  It was an honest mistake.  

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The first 20 minutes are always the most difficult. I leave my car, strap on my backpack, and begin to walk around the Gomper Homes. I always feel out of place, an outsider who is trying to gain some understanding of the people who call this place home. I walk slowly, looking to my left and right for people who will question my motives for being there. A question is a relief, an opportunity to explain myself and hopefully engage in conversation. Everyone looks at me. No one knows why I am there, but they all know that I am out of place. This becomes evident through my body language. I make eye contact with several people, but I am afraid of invading personal moments and so I frequently will fix my eyes on the pavement in front of me. I hold my styrofoam cup in my hand and occasionally drink its contents. I am nervous. Will I meet anyone today? Will I be greeted with hospitality and understanding, or presumption and preconceived ideas? I make a complete circle around the Gompers Homes and start my second trip. The first trip is understandable, but the second trip is suspicious. I understand this very well, and pray that I will recognize someone or have the opportunity to meet someone new. As I visit the Gompers Homes more frequently, I begin to realize that this journey is as much about myself as it is about the residents of East St. Louis. Walking down the street, I think about my role in this project, my relation to the residents, and the feelings that I encounter as I photograph. Who am I to photograph people in and around their homes? I am constantly plagued by the issue of exploitation, and whether or not I am simply exploiting the lives of these residents. I must look to the documentary style as a method for unraveling truth and exposing important issues that need to be addressed. I often wonder how I would react if a photographer came through my neighborhood and asked if he or she could take my picture in front of my house. Sure, why not? I would be happy to help, but does that willingness translate into a pure motive for my own work within an impoverished housing project?

I continue through the Gompers Housing Project and stand on the corner. I realize very quickly that walking is completely different than standing. As I stand, I force myself to be in one place, resolute and firm. I am no longer strolling through, but claiming a certain corner, a certain place, and claiming the right to stand there. I am nervous. I hold my styrofoam cup and fish out the small lime that rested on the bottom of the cup, the last remnants of my lunchtime soda. I put the tangy lime in my mouth. I am overwhelmed by the jolt of flavor that rushes through my body, and relieved to find a small respite from my nervousness. I stand on the corner for five minutes, until I am relieved by the sound of a man across the street. “Hey man, you alright,” he says. “Yeh” I reply. I take the opportunity to walk over to him and start a conversation, telling him what I am doing, and asking permission to take his photograph. He and his friend comply, and I walk back to my car and take out my camera. The first 20 minutes are over.

I apologize again for the lack of posts, and will continue to make promises to be more productive in the area of blog content. I had an interesting occurrence the other day involving Morris Library at SIUC and their reserve fine policy. I have decided to write a letter to the Dean of Library Affairs and to the Chancellor of the university. Below is rough draft of that letter. Please read and advise on any changes or thoughts.

I am writing this letter to address the current fee policies regarding reserve books checked out from Morris Library. On September 25, 2007, I checked out a reserve book entitled “The Working Poor,” by David K. Shipler. I was using the reserve service because I was waiting for my own copy of the text to arrive in the mail. I checked the book out around 3:00 PM, and received a receipt for the transaction, which outlined the time when the book was due. I needed to read approximately 80 pages of the text for my next class, so I began reading the book in the library and kept careful track of my time. For some reason I had the time 5:36 PM stuck in my mind for when the book was due. At 5:32 PM, I decided to return the book to the reserve desk so that I would not risk turning the book in late. I glanced at the receipt as I walked to the reserve desk and realized that the actual due time was 5:28 PM, 4 minutes before the current time. I handed the book to the student worker who informed that I had a fine. I asked how much the fine would cost, thinking that it would be $0.50 or perhaps $1.00, which I would have gladly paid. I was startled and quite frankly amused when the worker told me that I owed $50.00 for 4 minutes of overdue time. 

The current fee policy regarding overdue reserve items at Morris Library is outrageous and appalling. To levy a $50.00 fine on hard working students for an hour or less of overdue time is disgraceful to Morris Library and to the entire university. In addition, this policy at SIUC is completely inconsistent with other universities, including the University of Illinois - Champaign, Yale University, University of Florida, and Southern Illinois University Edwardsville. The fines for overdue reserve items at these institutions range from $1.00/hr to $3.00/hr. To support a policy that charges 17 to 50 times as much as similar institutions is reprehensible. I should also mention that the book I was reading, “The Working Poor,” chronicles the lives of many Americans who work 40 to 60 hours a week at low wages in order to support their families. In disgust, I read about the many exorbitant fines and fees that quick-cash lenders, financial institutions, and legal advisors charge to the hard working members of society who happen to fall below “acceptable” levels of economic stratification. As Morris Library fined me $50.00 for 4 minutes, I couldn’t help but think about the working poor, and imagine how you will use my $50.00 fine that provided me no product, no service, and cost you nothing in return. Perhaps you will fund the 29 million dollar renovation project that has confined me to the first floor of Morris Library for the entire duration of my graduate studies at SIUC. I appreciate progress, and I applaud the vision of this university to become a nationally respected top-tier institution, but I do not believe this progress should come at the expense of its students via exorbitant fines. I propose a solution to you, Dean of Library Affairs, and to you, Chancellor. I will gladly donate 5 copies of “The Working Poor,” by David K. Shipler to Morris Library. I purchased the book online for $10.00, so this will settle my debt to Morris Library, and provide my fellow students with greater access to this important text. I appreciate your time and I eagerly await your reply in this matter. 

Again, please please please let me know what you think about this letter and how I can improve it before I mail it to the dean and chancellor. I have thought about including a list of universities and their reserve fines on a second page. It would likely have between 30 to 50 universities and their current policies, to show how absurd this policy really is. Let me know what you think!

I have changed the look of the site again. I know constantly changing the site is getting old, but I am looking for a theme that I really like so I can keep it and stop changing it. I am going to modify this current theme to match my color palette a little better, and I would also like to design a logo for myself that will appear on this site and on my photography site.

Last Friday I went to East St. Louis and had one of the worst days of shooting in my life. I talked to 4 or 5 different groups of people and everyone declined to have their picture taken. I was in East St. Louis for about 5 hours and didn’t take a single picture! I drove home and was extremely disappointed and discouraged. I wondered what I was doing up there, and why I should continue working on a project that seemed to be so difficult to accomplish. The discouragement of last Friday has worn off, and I am looking forward to delving back into the documentary and pressing on. I spoke with my professors this week, and I think I have decided to narrow my project down to a single large housing project within East St. Louis. A documentary on the entire city would not give me the depth and intimacy that I am looking for, and would not allow me to create close relationships with people. I am more interested in showing the lives of a few people, rather than the entire city, and I need to be able to have sustainable relationships that will help lead me to other people. I have already picked out which housing project I am going to be working on, and I will continue working there when I return tomorrow. My choice of shooting a single housing is reminiscent of Bruce Davidson’s East 100th Street documentary.

In other news, Emily has finally left town to go to school at Boyce Bible College in Louisville, KY. I can’t believe the summer is finally over and she is starting school on Monday! I knew the day would finally come when she would leave, but like everything else, it just crept up on me, and now the reality of not being able to spend time with her has hit me. So now I will be spending the majority of my Friday and Saturday nights at home for the time being. It’s hard to believe that I have lived in Illinois for two years now. That is really crazy for me to wrap my head around. It seems like only yesterday that my parents were moving me into this house and leaving me to start a new life on my own in graduate school.  I’m going to miss you Emily.