I visited East St. Louis last Saturday and attempted to make some quality photographs and conversation.  It was a pretty rough day.  I managed to walk away with a roll of film exposed and very very little interaction with residents.  I delivered two portraits to people I had photographed on the last visit.  The first photograph was comprised of a family, and the second featured two young men and a young woman, all in their mid 20s.  It was a very depressing and discouraging day to say the least.  I left an hour before sunset, almost admitting my defeat for the day and retreating back to Carbondale for the evening.  The project continues to be extremely challenging on many levels.  It is creatively and artistically challenging to create photographs that are singularly different from each other because of the uniformness of the housing project.  Many of my backgrounds become overused and repeatable.  It is emotionally challenging to document a community of people that you can only visit once a week, and not share their experiences at all times.  I constantly ask myself why I am doing this project, but I somehow always find the resolve within to continue working no matter how discouraged I become.  I am planning on visiting again this Wednesday.

The first 20 minutes are always the most difficult. I leave my car, strap on my backpack, and begin to walk around the Gomper Homes. I always feel out of place, an outsider who is trying to gain some understanding of the people who call this place home. I walk slowly, looking to my left and right for people who will question my motives for being there. A question is a relief, an opportunity to explain myself and hopefully engage in conversation. Everyone looks at me. No one knows why I am there, but they all know that I am out of place. This becomes evident through my body language. I make eye contact with several people, but I am afraid of invading personal moments and so I frequently will fix my eyes on the pavement in front of me. I hold my styrofoam cup in my hand and occasionally drink its contents. I am nervous. Will I meet anyone today? Will I be greeted with hospitality and understanding, or presumption and preconceived ideas? I make a complete circle around the Gompers Homes and start my second trip. The first trip is understandable, but the second trip is suspicious. I understand this very well, and pray that I will recognize someone or have the opportunity to meet someone new. As I visit the Gompers Homes more frequently, I begin to realize that this journey is as much about myself as it is about the residents of East St. Louis. Walking down the street, I think about my role in this project, my relation to the residents, and the feelings that I encounter as I photograph. Who am I to photograph people in and around their homes? I am constantly plagued by the issue of exploitation, and whether or not I am simply exploiting the lives of these residents. I must look to the documentary style as a method for unraveling truth and exposing important issues that need to be addressed. I often wonder how I would react if a photographer came through my neighborhood and asked if he or she could take my picture in front of my house. Sure, why not? I would be happy to help, but does that willingness translate into a pure motive for my own work within an impoverished housing project?

I continue through the Gompers Housing Project and stand on the corner. I realize very quickly that walking is completely different than standing. As I stand, I force myself to be in one place, resolute and firm. I am no longer strolling through, but claiming a certain corner, a certain place, and claiming the right to stand there. I am nervous. I hold my styrofoam cup and fish out the small lime that rested on the bottom of the cup, the last remnants of my lunchtime soda. I put the tangy lime in my mouth. I am overwhelmed by the jolt of flavor that rushes through my body, and relieved to find a small respite from my nervousness. I stand on the corner for five minutes, until I am relieved by the sound of a man across the street. “Hey man, you alright,” he says. “Yeh” I reply. I take the opportunity to walk over to him and start a conversation, telling him what I am doing, and asking permission to take his photograph. He and his friend comply, and I walk back to my car and take out my camera. The first 20 minutes are over.

It’s been a long time since an update, so I will do my best to recap on what has been going on within the next couple posts. I am going to tackle the issue of my M.F.A. thesis first, which has been occupying the majority of my time this summer. I decided back in the spring to undertake a photographic documentary of East St. Louis, Illinois for my thesis. Documentary photography has always been my first love, and I decided to return to that discipline after trying numerous other styles and approaches that just didn’t suit me very well. I chose East St. Louis for several reasons. It is a city with a rich history and heritage that has undergone extremely rough economic and social hardships. The city is one of the most dangerous cities in the nation, with a crime rate that is 6 or 7 times that of the national average. The cities population has decreased since the 1960s, and many houses and entire neighborhoods are completely abandoned or destroyed by fire or vandalism. When I began this project, I wanted to put aside all of the preconceived notions that myself or others may have towards the city, and venture into the city with an open mind. I have been photographing for almost 3 months now, and I have met many wonderful and extremely welcoming people. I am still scared out of my mind every time I venture into the city, but to me that is part of the excitement, and the challenge. I am going to attempt to keep a fairly regular journal of my experiences as I document East St. Louis, and many of my images will be appearing on the photography portion of this website. I already have several images online, and I would love to get your impressions and/or thoughts.

I hope you like the new look of the site.  It is an Apple inspired theme, which, as you know, makes me very happy.  I will be updating very soon..like tomorrow probably.  I have updates on my thesis project in East St. Louis.  I apologize for my lack of writing.  I know many of you have been holding your breath for months…awaiting my imminent return.

I’m waiting for my clothes to dry. Jeans take a very long time to completely dry, and when they aren’t completely dry you put them on and the pockets are slightly damp, which then translates into a cold and wet feeling on your legs. I don’t like it, so I will wait for my jeans to dry. I am heading down to Cobden once my clothes dry to put up posters for the small town documentary exhibition. The opening is this Monday, November 13 at 5-7pm on the second floor of the Student Center at SIUC. I encourage all of you who read this blog…(all 3 of you) to come out to the opening. It will be a festive atmosphere, complete with overpriced cheeseballs and some sort of colored punch. Oh, and there will a lot of photographs too. We have 12 people in the class this semester, and each person will be display 10 - 12 photographs, so it will be a pretty big show. Come out and see some of the work that I’ve been doing this semester. I would also like to thank my good friends from high school that have been reading my blog religiously to keep an eye on my saga in Illinois. Their devotion has been truly inspiring, and their readership has been what helps me wake up each morning and tackle the day. A special thanks goes out to my devoted readers in the lone star state, each of whom has been following my blog more closely than their own lives.

Small Town Documentary Exhibition Opening
SIU Student Center
November 13, 2006 5-7 PM

The show will be up until December 10, so if you can’t make the opening, come by and see the work at your convenience.

I am currently working a new photo project that is attempting to visually articulate the relationships between online virtual communities and traditional communities. I will be posting new images very soon, probably tomorrow or the next, as I am waiting to get my negatives back from the lab. Some of my initial ideas were to photograph public spaces of traditional, rural communities such as parks and town centers and introduce digital references such as a television or computer monitor. I am now dealing with the issue of isolation that virtual communities are meant to dispel, but in reality seem to perpetuate through isolating the online user within their home or apartment. I am visually investigating this through a series of diptychs that show the subject in their home at their computer, and a formal portrait that is taken outside their home and within their community. I�??m looking forward to getting some feedback on the images/project�?�.it is very much in its infancy stages, but I will be presenting it at my first year review in a month, so I would like to have it be as complete as possible by then�?�..I�??m looking for feedback from my photo friends�?�(you know who you are) and from anyone that is involved in the virtual community�?�ie�?�myspace, facebook, online forums. stay tuned for images!